Mother who is jealous of her daughter

Vulnerable or covert narcissists are much more subtle about those same needs and beliefs. They are torn by contradictions. On the one hand, they believe in their superiority over others. On the other hand, they are plagued by feelings of worthlessness , inferiority, shame, and fear of criticism. You could say that having a narcissistic mother is like growing up in a cult. In that dysfunctional family structure, the mother is a cult leader and everyone else is meant to be the mindless followers who worship her like a goddess and constantly reflect her greatness back to her.

Not only that, she often expects piety and devotion usually reserved for deities. All children go through a narcissistic phase — once in early childhood, and then again in adolescence. So the trait of narcissism becomes balanced by empathy and self-control. However, a child with a narcissistic mother is denied this normal developmental process. Narcissistic mothers defy logic because they demand two different, conflicting things from their children. On the one hand, a narcissistic mother sees her children as extensions of herself.

So they have to be brilliant, talented, exceptionally beautiful, etc. For example, the Evil Queen wished for the most beautiful child. As long as the child is exceptional in some way, the narcissistic ego is satiated.

She has to walk a thin line between excellence and self-deprecation. One wrong move — and she falls into an abyss of shame and despair. In many cases, a daughter of a narcissistic mother will apply extraordinary effort to please her mother. But her attempts will prove unsuccessful. Because the game is rigged. Momentary satisfaction after the daughter manages to do just the right thing will quickly turn into familiar criticism and contempt.

So from the very beginning, narcissistic mothers set their daughters up to fail because they teach them that nothing they do is ever good enough. That kind of transformation takes enormous courage and commitment, not to mention thousands of dollars worth of therapy.

She may even be offended by the very idea that she did anything wrong as a parent. Because their mother always felt threatened by their accomplishments, they are flooded by anxiety whenever they come close to success. Why would a mother be jealous of her child? As bizarre as the idea of seeing your child as competition may be, many daughters of narcissistic mothers experienced it their whole lives. Here are some reasons for it. She may appear confident and self-assured, but on the inside, a narcissist feels worthless and on the verge of collapse.

In other words, to feel assured of her superiority, the mother has to make sure that her daughter is inferior. And how do you make someone feel inferior?

No matter how hard the daughter tries to make her mother proud, the mother is never satisfied. The deeper reason for that is that narcissistic mothers feel jealous of their daughters, so they try to bring them down a notch. Both genders can be affected by narcissistic mothers. Finding out that her stepdaughter or daughter, in the original version was more beautiful than she made her mad with envy.

Gender also plays a role because of cultural programming. Women are taught to compete with other women for male attention, professional advancement, and social status.

I tried to please Mom to avoid conflict, but it seldom helped. Instead, resentment grew inside me like a snowball, growing larger and heavier as it rolled. They are more like clusters of related issues we need to work on. One after the other. Maybe she has narcissistic personality traits. Whatever the case may be, work to understand what makes your mother behave the way she does and how these behaviors affect you and your life.

Try to remember good things, too. Now what? Read relevant blogs, articles and books. Find and watch videos on YouTube and join Facebook groups. It may feel counter-intuitive, but many of us try to run from a toxic parent just to be caught in a web of another similar person.

How come? You can start by writing down your thoughts about the ideal mother you wish you had, in list format. How would that have been? Then write about how it was to grow up with your mother and compare the two lists. You can read more here. Talk to other family members about your family history to better understand the roots of the problem. Ask them what they know about your ancestors — grandparents, aunts and uncles — and what they remember about your parents growing up.

Make notes; you will appreciate it later. To let go of the past, we must validate and process emotions that are linked to our history. These are the feelings that we were not allowed to feel growing up, together with those that arise when we examine our lives. Anger, fear, shame, sadness, resentment and grief are among them. Yes, we must grieve the loss of the ideal mother we never had and are never going to have. Grief has its own stages. Use your energy to heal yourself.

What are your limiting beliefs? Identify and write down your limiting believes, and then examine them together with emotions attached.

Use this list of emotions to help identify your feelings. You will have to process them, too, to get control over the negative self-talk that might be preventing you from achieving your full potential.

This exercise may help you to do that by changing negative self-messages to positive or neutral:. Maybe you still have your favorite doll?

It can even start to feel like you're dealing with a competitive and mean sibling, rather than a mom. If your mom begins changing her look in the makeup and fashion department, it may be a sign of her insecurity.

While it may strike you as cute or funny at first, remember it's coming from a place of hurt. Some moms just like to hang out and have fun, but others may be trying to keep up with the younger people in their lives, due to insecurity. Any number of issues — like stress, depression, or anxiety — can cause a person to overreact to slightly stressful or mildly upsetting situations. But depending on how she overreacts, it could be a sign of underlying jealousy.

Nikki Martinez , tells Bustle. It just comes out. She might snap at you over the phone, or pick an argument for seemingly no reason. And it can leave you wondering what's going on, and why she's acting so strange.

If this is true of your mom, she may get upset whenever you get lunch with your dad, if you two have an inside joke — basically anything that, in her eyes, leaves her out. This is all thanks to your mom's self-esteem issues , Martintez says, which can be triggered by the happy relationship you have with your dad, especially if the two of them are having marital issues.

It's important to remember, though, that she doesn't have the right to interfere with your relationships. You shouldn't feel as if you need to cut off contact with other family members, just because she's upset.

If your mom can't handle it when you have good luck or success, it might be because she wishes she had the same. A jealous mom is constantly comparing herself to others, and may choose you as her barometer of success. If your life looks a lot different than hers, it can compound the issue. Remember, however difficult it may be to deal with, it doesn't mean you have to downplay your successes, or give up on goals in order to appease your mom.

While that may be what she wants you to do in the moment, the remedy is actually working on herself, which she will hopefully decide to do. Constant criticism, or bullying, may be your mom's way of letting out her own insecurity. For example, "if your mom criticizes the choices you make, such as your partner, or career, or says nasty things about you in front of family or friends, this may be a sign she is jealous," Kimberly Hershenson , a NYC-based therapist, tells Bustle.